No. Screw you.

I’ve wanted to use so much derogatory language in the past few weeks, I’m really finding it hard nowadays; not to just crack and lash out.

Sure, okay, I wasn’t in the right when I bent over and accepted whatever opinion was placed upon me BUT. Do not start wondering why I’m not ‘dedicated’ or ‘passionate’ or whatever the fuck you want to call it, about my course. I. DID. NOT. CHOOSE. THIS. PATH. You may not have directly told me to choose it, but you forced my hand, and put me here.

So don’t come to me and start saying ‘Oh, I better see some ding dings or I won’t be happy.’ NO. FUCK. YOU. Piss off with your attitude. Don’t start telling me to ‘wake up’ go piss off and let me pass, do this course then decide for myself what I want to do, and this time I’ll do it whether you like it or not.

Oh, I’m sorry if I’m not loving the only course that suites you, my fucking bad.

Ah I forget where I was going. G’night.

And you wonder..

Yeah sure, I game all the time and yes I don’t help much at home do I?

Then you go on and start talking about my grades in highschool, about how even though I had tuition my marks ended up the way they did, ever wonder why I took those subjects? Because YOU wouldn’t of wanted me to do any other kinds of subjects deep down. Because deep down, you wanted me to do all the Asian subjects and be super smart like all your friends kids, get high marks, become an accountant, doctor, god knows what else.

Am I saying I’m not appreciative of what you do for me? No, do I not show it, yes definitely.

Oh but then you go on and talk about what I want to do with my life, do you know what I wanted to do with my life? Music. Do you remember what you objected to so heavily I decided to give up? Oh that’s right MUSIC. So why don’t I have any direction for the future right now? OH YEAH, BECAUSE YOU OBJECTED SO HEAVILY. So much so I have no idea what I’m going to do now, that’s why I sit in front of the computer, because it gives me somewhere to go instead of thinking about a future where I have to plan and think so that you can approve of my plans.

Yes I feel like a jerk for not helping out at home, you work a lot for my sake and I love you for that. But it doesn’t mean you have to rip me a new one all the time, I need a direction that you approve, can’t you do that for me? My direction was so ludicrous that apparently it wanted a NO NO NO NO when I decided it two years ago. Now I’m just babbling, yes I’m really angry that you’re angry at me and I understand full-heartedly why you’re angry with me to be honest. Will I try to change, I hope so.

no sleep for the cryptic

Well, didn’t really sleep last night and to be honest, I tried. Currently 6:20AM and waiting to go to uni’ but… wait a sec, I hear my brother waking up. -gets out of chair and goes into hallway-

Oh sweet, a warm jacket from my cousin. Now where was I? Right, no sleep and uni’ soon. Wait! Going to go get some food, one moment!

My brothers already making noodles for me! Man I love my brother, mum too matter of fact. (Well duh).

Like I was saying, I’ve always wanted to do something regular and other than gaming of course. YouTube probably isn’t the place for me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try one day. Blogging, venting and typing is something I’ve always been good at, at least I thought so! So I thought that I might as well use this blog for something rather than reflecting upon how I feel at at that apparent time! I mean, a lot of my posts are crude but I really don’t care at this point.. might be the sleep deprivation speaking.

So what shall I blog about?! Nothing about me personally today, I promise. So lets look to what I’ve read as of 12AM 17th of May 2011.

Multitasking

Hrmm. Well I’ve always thought myself good at this, but perhaps not! Apparently, according to… an article in Readers Digest (Pg 80 March 2011) our brains are kinda designed to only properly handle one thing at a time. Heh, go figure. Oh and, I was really just pulling what I could remember from what I read about 4 hours ago laying in bed. So I might of totally missed the mark on this one!

I honestly think that this is true, multitasking is bad for you when you’re doing office work and what not (School work included). Probably anything that needs quality to it (Which should be everything in life if you think about it), should be done whilst you are doing only it. However badly phrased, my point is that if you want something to be good, just focus on that when you are in the process of doing it, no matter what detail and however insignificant it may seem.

Modern Warfare

No, this isn’t about actual warfare, or at least not about combat in general. I have my opinions on that, but lets keep it to the gaming for now ey? I’m talking about the next Call of Duty (CoD) game! Not made by Infinity Ward unfortunately, but hopefully it’ll be better then Treyarch‘s Black Ops (The 7th Main installment in the series I think). I seem to have this thing against Treyarch, it took me a while to get Black Ops in the first place really, and I enjoyed Modern Warfare 1 and 2′s campaigns far more then BLOPs (A term a friend and I use for it). Although BLOPs is the only CoD games multiplayer that I’ve ever played extensively.

Any who, as I was saying before I was completely derailed by my thoughts. SEAL Team Six, yeah you know those guys, the ones that shot Osama in the face (apparently) have been referenced in the Modern Warfare 3 teaser trailers and to be honest, I had no bloody idea that this was apparent. I’m guessing this is meant to stir up a shit-load of controversy like the previous game did, and I get it really. Games are becoming a norm’ in our society, to make it pop, you need more than just awesome gameplay, graphics storyline and what not. You need massive media attention! So kudos… whoever is making MW3, I honestly don’t keep up to date.

Funnily enough, I don’t have time to finish this posts as I originally decided. So I shall cut myself off here and be back next time!

shutting down

It’s time for me to fold.. pressures too much. I don’t have the energy to act anymore.. maybe to my family but I can’t pretend to others anymore… just fold into a little ball and sleep. Forever.

The same same

Has anything changed in the last few years? Not really? Stints of smiles every now and then, other wise it would just be ‘angst’ as Maximus would say. Or depression in the words of the almighty Kelvin.

Funny, because I’m typing this with a, at times angsty Maxmus and his STARING AT MY WORDS. GOD.. oh he stopped, HE STARTED AGAIN.

Anywho, being ridiculous and paranoid aside. Funny thing, life. THE GAME and what not, I just lost my train of thought nad lal ym tpying slikls.

As I was saying, 2010 a semi-shithole of a year, 2011 – hopefully and I mean that. HOPEFULLY going to be a more eventful year, no I’m not going into music like my friends thought I would. I get to do design which apparently I’m good at. Hurrah for lack of defiance and indepedence, you’ve won again parental pressure.

Where was I going with this? I don’t even know anymore. LATER!

Belated

A long time ago I let go of hope, trust and general optimism all together. Now, I can’t find it anymore.

Thinking.

Not sure whose around to read this anymore. Probably just posting this for my own sake and sanity.

Thinking, over thinking, it’s wasteful to let your thoughts run rampant and untamed, it’s better; but dangerous to understand and handle them. It’s always better to have someone to help you out…

You know.. those times when you think, this person I can always rely on. But then when you really spoof and open up, they start too.. push you away? And when that was the only person around to listen, help, hold you up if something tried to knock you down, it becomes… difficult to say the least.

Then it comes again, those dark places where you never wanted to be again, when you feel just utterly alone without a single light to guide your way. You feel around and you can sense there’s objects around you, you recognise them and they recognise you but they don’t help you…

When you feel like everythings just constantly going the other direction for you, against you and opposing you every step of the way.

Then once upon a time things seemed okay. Not good, but sustainable. Then you try things out, see how they hold and you think. DAYUM! This is working out pretty well, then you find out it was all a twist of fate and life was just fudging around with you again. Like beforehand, the Universe came… gave you a cookie and said “Here have this delicious awesome cookie!” and you’re over the moon. Then… bam. The cookies gone and the Universe says to you “Cookies going to someone else, bye.” simple as that…

Feeling utterly alone, unaccomplished and cold. Just a dark place, no help seems to be in sight, no one to give you a helping hand. Nothing goes your way…
Overthinking. Maybe. Truth. Yes.

Unfortunately..

Do Ya’ Know What I Mean?

Yay! After years or months of deliberation and laziness I have uploaded a proper YouTube video! Despite it not being the “Do Ya’ Know What I Mean” and instead Vlog No. 1 .

(Link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-lLs0NVFuw)

Thanks to C, for no matter how much I said I’d do it and then not do it, still want me to do it! Ya’ know what I mean?! And a special thanks to my 29 friends out there who watched the video so far! Thanks so much! Every little view makes me smile a tid’bit

Hopefully alot more vids to come, whether it be music, vlogs or D.Y.N.W.I.M’s! See you guys around

Birthdays.

Time for a little bitching session by me, I mean no one reads this anymore so bleh.

Anyways, what was I going on about? Oh yeah birthdays! You know those people, you see like on their Facebook wall they’ll have about a googleplex of “Happy birthday! Have an awesome day!” Etcetera etcetera… we know that most of the time they’re posted because FB reminds everyone that your birthdays on that day right? So everyone feels obligated to post and I don’t blame them, I’m one of those that feel obligated to post.

Then you hear about those people who get about a trillion texts at 12:01AM going, “OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ =D Lols you are 50 now!” yeah you know those kinda people; you’re probably one that gets about a bajillion texts aswell right? Right.

Onto my main point. I’m not one of those people. . . I just remember I went through a pretty crappy time in my life around my birthday, won’t say why but I did. I remember I was like, baha it’s my birthday in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. BAM, went to sleep, secretly hoping to be woken by a suprise birthday text that puts a smile on anyones face. I’ll tell you this, I got none I think, I got a few the next morning which I appreciate. Come to think of it, I probably got more texts then Facebook birthday messages but still, I know bitchy right? But, you want to feel appreciated on your birthday yeah? I didn’t, by a few people of course.

Oh and you know those people who have about 50 people pitching in buying a super awesome present for them, I didn’t have one of em’ either. Probably because I didn’t hold a party for everyone where I would (Self-centred right?) spend hundreds of dollars so everyone else could have a tonne of fun. I didn’t actually get a happy birthday from my best friend . . .

Presents, materialistic I know don’t worry. I got a few yeah, an awesome watch which I appreciate to no bounds from a long time mate who I thought and still think I’m losing/lost. A bracelet from someone I’ve drifted from long before my birthday and a necklace from somewhere who normally sucks at getting presents that mean something. But honestly, I felt that I’d pressured them into buying me a present and I apologise for that.

Overall though, this year. . . I probably had the shittiest birthday experience ever. Because I didn’t throw a big party for everyone, they forgot. . . because sometimes no matter how much you chip in for everyone else, they don’t give a damn. I get told by my brother “Oh why don’t you ever get presents when you chip in for everyone else?” I go, ah they probably just I dunno were all broke all something and smile.

But there’s a point where you can’t smile anymore, where you just go “well fudge, no one gives a fudge about me do they?”. Again, I know I sound like a bitch of a materialistic bastard, but you know, a facebook happy birthday isn’t hard to do nowadays.

Bitching over, happy birthday to whoevers birthday it is today. . .

Guide to survival – Girls

Truth is you can’t always sit and around and just talk to a girl safely, there’s always the chance you ain’t “up there” for them, for you may simply be the guy who keeps them entertained till the main attraction arrives. So heres some rules to help you survive:

1. Don’t get too attached

2. Always be ready to let go

3. Never develop true feelings for them, hold them close enough so it seems you aren’t holding them at arms distance (If you get what I mean)

4. Don’t rely on them to be there all the time

5. Know that you are just one of the many guys that’ll be there for them when they need a “one up”

6. IMPORTANT If you do happen to develop feelings, be ready to detach yourself immediately when the moment arises.

Good luck to all you guys out there.